The thing about making yourself so deliciously able-bodied, so physically fit and attractive that people may well offer to explore along the most, dare we say, delicate (delectable?) parts of your body–what we may refer to, from time to time, and here and there, as the jibbly bits–is what’s the point of doing so, if you haven’t the inclination to accept the offer when it arrives? Leaning out can cause you to lose your sex drive, is what I’m saying. As many people, I’m sure, will unhappily attest.
Now the reason this happens is simply and merely because in a long-term caloric deficit, well, honestly, sex probably shouldn’t be the first thing on your mind in the midst of starving to death, now should it? This is an extreme example, I know, but drives the point. That is, it only makes sense for the body to down-regulate certain, (at least temporarily) unnecessary impulses in the quest for food. Sex being one of them.
“Our body fights against us, especially when trying to lose weight. So it’ll sometimes shut off reproductive function in order to survive.” Says Dr. Spencer.
And it’s almost hilariously ironic if it weren’t so truly unfunny. You lean out because you want to be more attractive, but in doing so, you lose the very vital essence to act upon whatever new attraction having the body of Brad Pitt might bring you. Or, if not Brad Pitt, who’s another Hollywood hottie? Angelina Jolie? I’m only thinking back to when I was younger and first starting to discover my appetite. Tomb Raider, ah, those were the days. Ahem. Indeed.
Anyway, whatever being attractive means to you, for most of us, it has something to do with being lean, I would say. Now, I have no inherent interest in the argument as to whether or not that “something to do with being lean” is biological or societal. I have no interest in it, whatever. It’s a silly argument.
People want partners who present physical fitness. It’s a Darwinian thing, perhaps. Or maybe it’s all manufactured and put in our heads by people who write the magazines. Either way, we can say with some certain measure of confidence, that attractiveness and leanness are somehow interlinked. So rather than trying to remodel any possibly inherent biological impulses, or hire all new magazine editors, why don’t we just accept what is, and structure our approach around that? But a thought, is all. I don’t even know why I brought it up.
But say you wanted to get lean. And also say you wanted to maintain circulation to a certain, particular anatomical component, should the circumstances be suited to it. Are these differences irreconcilable? Must you stay somewhat paunchy in order to want to get laid? Of course not! Shredded people want sex all the time. And here’s how they do it.
The secret, you see, lies within nutritional periodization, and a more wave-like approach to driving your calories down. If you deflate your entire intake, something else is going to deflate as well, and probably pretty abruptly. I don’t want to say what that thing is. Really, one can only hint at it, without inviting censorship to an otherwise family-oriented blog.
So some days you go low calorie and others days you can go right ahead and crank it up. But overall, it needs to be trending down. You might even like to think of it it as the chart of an economy, only turned on its head. There are highs and lows, peaks and valleys, divots and flare ups, but generally, the thing is sloping specifically downward.
Calorically speaking, it could look something like this, I suppose:
M – 500 cals below maintenance
T – Maintenance
W – 1000 cals
Th – Maintenance
F – 1000 cals
S – 500 – 1000 cals above maintenance
Su – Maintenance
(DISCLAIMER: This is a general, NOT specific framework, meant to give you an IDEA, not a specific plan… OK?)
Now listen closely: There is a deeply scientific reason as to why all of this works. And I would tell you what that reason is, only I don’t know it. But it has something to do with, what is the word–hormones, maybe? It doesn’t matter. Trust me, you don’t want to get bogged down in all the specific features of the thing.
But I do think Dr. Spencer’s point about this, pretty much sums it up, “Bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.”
Or was that Dr. Dre? Ah, well, surely it was somebody of the medical persuasion who said it.
And one other thing, make sure you get enough fat, OK? Avocado and nuts and seeds, and all that sort of thing, you know. Very important. Keeps the libido up. Oh, and protein, too.
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PPS – If you enjoyed this piece, you might also enjoy Alyssa’s on The Minimalist’s Guide to Looking Good Naked.
Final PS – Check out these 7 Hardcore, Turbo-Extreme Workouts.