4 Disturbing Kettlebell Swing Cues That Will Change Your Life
Kettlebells swings are sexual.
I said it.
Kettlebell swing cues are graphic. “Disturbing,” perhaps.
If you do not feel silly & dirty at the same time while first learning the hip hinge, you are oddly desensitized.
I love teaching the kettlebell swing to my friends.
We joke and laugh about thrusting our hips.
I also love teaching the kettlebell swing to elderly men.
There is tangible awkwardness.
I can’t decide how much actually originates from Pops versus how much I’m just perceiving to exist from him.
For all I know, Gramps is completely comfortable hip thrusting while a 27-year old female cues him to reach his butt back further.
^^It’s times like these I wonder why I didn’t pick a different fitness specialty. Maybe I should turn from kettlebells and become a step aerobics instructor….
The truth of the matter is, the more disturbing the kettlebell swing cue, the more effective at improving the swing technique. That’s just science.
And because high-quality kettlebell swings will improve your life, disturbing kettlebell swing cues MUST be implemented!
Note: This is not “how to swing a kettlebell.” That’s here. This is “how to perfect your kettlebell swing using highly-amusing, moderately-disturbing, slightly-inappropriate, yet undeniably helpful cues.”
4 Disturbing Kettlebell-Swing Cues That You’ll Probably Just Want to Say in Your Head
Starting with the initial hike and ending with a personal favorite…
- “Graze the danger zone”: As you begin your swing with a hike, think about your thumbs grazing your private parts. It’s tempting to let the kettlebell clear too low–where there is lots of open space–so remind yourself that, if it feels dirty, it’s probably just right.
- “Punch the air with your crotch”: This one is straightforward, no? As you’re approaching the lockout at the top of your swing, focus on…well…focus on punching the air with your crotch. It’s a little violent.
- “Squeeze a penny in your butt cheeks”: Once you arrive at the top position of the swing, in the lockout, your buns should be CLENCHED. Like really tightly. Since the lockout of the swing is basically a standing plank, think “full engagement”; better yet, think “squeeze a penny in my butt cheeks.” Start squeezing as soon as you begin coming out of your hinge.
- “Play chicken with your zipper”: In other words, don’t hinge too soon! After your lockout, when you are throwing the kettlebell back between your legs, wait until the last possible second to get your pelvis out of the way. This will keep your swing nice n’ snappy. (I have yet to see someone wait too long. Maybe you’ll be the first? But probably not.)
*Bonus: This one is markedly less disturbing, but still graphic enough to do the trick.
“Squeeze $100 bills in your armpits”: When you’re setting up for the initial kettlebell hike, engage your upper body properly, creating tension from your hands to your shoulders to your core, by imagining you’ve got precious dinero that isn’t yet sweaty enough to stick in your armpits without you consciously holding it there.
Have any to add? You know I love me some non-PC humor. Drop YOUR favorite most disturbing kettlebell swing cues below!
This one builds a steady burn until you max out on your final plyometric move!
Set your timer for 60-intervals, and get to work:
Plank Walks, 3 steps R / 3 steps L (in plank position, take a “side steps” to the right coordinating R hand/R foot, then L hand/L foot 3x before heading back in the other direction);
Squat Jacks (like jumping jacks, but sink into a squat each time you land with your feet apart).
P.S. Pat’s weekly #IBetYouCantDoThisWorkout will provide plenty of opportunities to talk dirty to yourself. Find all of his videos here.